Subject:     hiya have fun whatever
Date:        06/20  1:19 PM
Received:    06/20  2:22 PM
From:        Chris Halbig, CHLaser@aol.com
To:          dtf1@epix.net

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM CHILDREN
     
     ***  Please DO NOT try this at Home!!  Although if you choose to 
     ignore my recommendation, I cannot be held liable for the 
     consequences!!)  Hopefully you are not aware of these firsthand.
     
     *There is no such thing as child-proofing your house. 
     
     *If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with 
     roller blades,    they can ignite.
     
     *A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded 
     restaurant. 
     
     *If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not 
     strong enough to rotate a 30-pound toddler wearing puppy 
     underwear and a superman cape! 
     
     *A ceiling fan is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all 
     four walls of a 20 x 20 foot room.
     
     *Baseballs make marks on ceilings. 
     
     *You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. 
     
     *When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up 
     a few times before you get a hit.
     
     *A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way! 
     
     *The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball 
     hit by a ceiling fan.
     
     *When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh," it's 
     already too late!
     
     *Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 
     
     *A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 
     36-year-old man says they can only do that in the movies. 
     
     *A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day. 
     
     *If you use a waterbed as home plate when wearing baseball shoes, 
     it does not leak--it explodes.
     
     *A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000-square 
     foot house 4 inches deep.
     
     *Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year old.  
     Duplos will not.
     
     *"Play Dough" and "microwave" should never be used in the same 
     sentence. 
     
     *Super Glue is forever.
     
     *MacGuyver can teach us many things we don't want to know. 
     
     *Ditto Tarzan.
     
     *No matter how much Jello you put in the swimming pool, you still 
     can't walk on water.
     
     *Pool filters do not like Jello.
     
     *VCR's will not eject Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches, even 
     though TV commercials show them doing so.
     
     *Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 
     
     *Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 
     
     *You probably do not want to know what that odor is. 
     
     *Always look in the oven before you turn it on. 
     
     *Plastic toys do not like ovens.
     
     *The fire department in San Diego has at least a five-minute 
     response time.
     
     *The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms 
     dizzy. 
     
     *The spin cycle on the washing machine will make a cat dizzy. 
     
     *Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 
     
     *Quiet does not necessarily mean "don't worry." 
     
     *A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in 
     life.  (Unfortunately, this works almost exclusively in 
     retrospect.)